You begin sex when you know you will not feel sexually exploited later. Many single women complain of feeling sexually exploited because they went to bed with a man and he did not call back, or they lived with someone for a time, and the relationship ended. 

What I have found is that often a woman enters into sex with a man, hoping to obligate him to come back, hoping to make a relationship out of it, hoping to get married—in other words, she was having sex with him for every reason, but her desire for sex with this man. 

She had an ulterior motive for sex with him. Without consciously thinking about it that way, she was using sex as a manipulative device—and when it did not work—she got mad. We have all probably done this at some time in our lives, but you are not going to operate that way sexually anymore. 

Relationships are not the greatest risk of all; not having relationships is the greatest risk of all. Sex does not guarantee a relationship. So, from now on, do not blame sex, and do not ‘victimize’ yourself because you had sex with someone and the relationship did not work out. Instead, change your motive for having sex with a man. 

There is only one pure reason to engage in sex, and that is because you desire a man sexually (and he is sexually safe). Try this mental checklist the next time you are deciding whether or not to make love with a man.

▪️Do I feel obligated to this man? If so, do not make love with him or you will feel exploited later. 

▪️Maybe if I go to bed with him, he will like me better. Do not make love with him or you will feel exploited later. 

▪️Of course, I want to see him again, and yes, I want a relationship with him, or I probably would not desire him. However, even if I knew I would never see him again, I would still want to make love with him now. Yes! If he is sexually safe, you will be making love for the right reason, which is because you want to! 

You can never feel exploited because you fulfilled your desire of making love with him. There is no better reason than that. There is no self-exploitation of an ulterior motive that was foiled.