SIGNS YOU’RE DATING A QUALITY MAN
He has no desire to see you reduce your ambitions so that he can feel better about himself. On the contrary, he enjoys seeing you succeed. Supporting your success means more excitement and adventure for him. He enjoys seeing what you make of your life and is concerned with protecting your dreams. In short, the high-value guy lives to see you perform at a high level.
He isn't afraid of you passing him.
Quality men aren't concerned with out-earning you or who is further along in their career. He will not become insecure because you are a lawyer or have a PhD, nor will he be concerned about your large salary. He doesn't compare his life to yours because (believe it or not) he has self-esteem and measures his life on more than just achievement.
He wants to take care of you.
This one may appear to immediately invalidate the previous point, but it does not.
This is why: Even if he's okay with you outspending him financially, a high-value man wants to be someone who can provide for you in a variety of ways. This does not imply that he wishes to pay for everything, but he will strive to be the type of man who can protect and serve you, whether by being emotionally strong, financially independent, or capable of treating you to incredible experiences and indulgent surprises.
Your independence has piqued his interest.
Damsel in constant distress" is not enticing to a wealthy man. He enjoys seeing you manage your own life (even if he enjoys assisting from time to time) and will want to encourage anything that promotes your autonomy and independence. While every man wants to feel needed, only insecure daddy-type men seek to gain importance by making you helpless and completely reliant on them.
He is attentive to your requirements, even if he does not always get them right the first time.
Okay, he might not know the *exact* words that immediately turn you on, or he might not realize that "quality time" is your love language, or he might not realize that handwritten birthday cards melt you. He does, however, learn. And how he reacts when he drops the ball or gets it wrong.
The best guy isn't a mind reader, but he is an expert at reading signs if you give him enough time. Simply enjoy it (and, for God's sake, let him know how pleased you are with his efforts - positive reinforcement works). The best way to get more of his listening skills is to show him that you notice and appreciate them.
He doesn't need to be summoned twice to come and assist you.
Are you in trouble? He'll leap from bed and into his car to come and save you before you've even hang up the phone. He may dislike the "damsel in constant distress," but the "damsel having an occasional freak out" will have him driving all night like a knight on his way to save a princess.
He's not going to take your nonsense.
Be warned: high-value men have high standards. If you're okay with that, this will only help you improve. He's tough, so he doesn't put up with draining people in his life. He has no desire to indulge in whining and does not have time to waste going over old problems or moaning about the past.
He'll tell you if you're being unreasonable. Face to face. Just like a man. In other words, be prepared for a man who will defend himself and refuses to be walked over.
He manages his life with minimal fuss.
After a setback, strong men limit the amount of time they spend wallowing in self-pity. They are resilient in the face of failure and, rather than crumbling, spring into action when problems arise. Of course, he's still a human being. That's a good thing. As a result, he will occasionally require love and assurance that everything will be fine. But then he'll be back on his feet, to regain control. If the the castle shall fall apart, he is the one who begins stacking bricks to rebuild it.
He is concerned with keeping small promises.
In Cormac McCarthy's novel The Road, the son tells his father, "If you break little promises, you'll break big ones." This is essentially a high-value mans philosophy. That is his code. He doesn't feel right simply shrugging his shoulders after promising to pick up your groceries on the way home and then forgetting. He kicks himself for promising to book that restaurant and then completely forgetting about it. The thought of not keeping his word kills him. That is how it should be for all of us.
And speaking of which...
He chooses his words with care.
A man who is serious about you will not say anything idly. He does not make meaningless declarations of love that he does not feel in his heart. He won't say trite phrases or go through the motions if he believes he's just using cheap sentiment to distract you from the real issue.
He means it when he says he adores you.
He'll console you. He'll stroke your hair and tell you that you're amazing. But he will not make everything appear simple or easy when it is not. Because he is concerned with big ideas like Truth and Honesty.
He wishes to improve without being asked.
Quality men are always looking for ways to improve themselves.
He doesn't want to get healthy because you told him to; he wants to do it because he values his body. He reads books not to brag, but because he values education. He seeks adventure not to impress you, but to seize life and soak up experiences while he is still on this planet. He seeks success because he wants to reach his full potential, not because he wants a bigger paycheck.
He is fundamentally self-motivated. That may mean he tries a little harder than he should, but that's a much better problem to have than a lazy man who never makes an effort.
"Grasp nettles," he says.
"Leaders grasp nettles," wrote advertising genius David Ogilvy. This is what Ogilvy meant when he said that leaders are willing to take the difficult action that no one else will. This is true for any high-value man. He does not avoid difficult or sensitive conversations. He has to deal with issues. He dials the difficult phone number. He doesn't put off problems in the hope that they will go away. That is why others admire and look up to him.
He will invest in the relationship without becoming engrossed in it.
It may sound romantic to imagine an obsessive-love type boyfriend, but in reality, a high-value man is capable of falling in love without obsessing (he can still be passionate and intense, just not in the creepy stalker-esque way vampire romance novels portray it). Men who are well-balanced have many sources of happiness in their lives. Friends and family. Work that is fulfilling. Because they've learned how to be happy being single first (as I've previously discussed). All of these things are important to him, even if you eventually become his most important thing.
He listens and responds to what you say.
As previously stated, strong alpha men want to make you happy. This means they are paying attention. They search for hints. They are insatiably curious about you as a partner and wish to comprehend your mind. You'll usually notice this in the amount of thought he puts into gifts and trips, especially if they involve things he's clearly decided on based on previous conversations.
Of course, this does not imply that he will always get it right. High-value men occasionally get it completely wrong and mess up (we have to be realistic, after all). But, most importantly, he will continue to try to meet your needs. He'll remember his mistakes and change his ways. And if you communicate your expectations clearly, he will strive to meet them.
He has some unusual pairings.
High-value men and women do not rely on a single personality trait. He can be intellectual and profound, but he can also be exciting and completely ridiculous. He's at ease being sexual, but he's also a gentleman with class. He's fiercely loyal, but he's not afraid to stand firm on his principles when his opinion differs from everyone else's. The most successful people always embody both sides of the coin.
He creates a future with you.
A man who cares about you will want to build you the best team in the world. He is loyal and wishes to bring you closer together, which means he considers and openly discusses the future with you. That doesn't mean he'll move quickly, but it does mean he wants to invest in the relationship and strengthen your emotional bond so he can share his world with you.
Always keep in mind that a man's morality, integrity, character, and sense of self are far more valuable than his financial status. They are all critical for a healthy connection, so don't forget to check them out throughout your vetting.
Thank you for this simple yet detailed message!❤️
I enjoyed every word!
Thank you for this. Sometimes in a relationship you are constantly wondering if you can do better without actually realizing you have better. I have to remind myself that my man is all these things and I have got to stop self sabotaging my relationship.
Thank you for taking the time to share this wisdom with the world, Sheneka!
I’m saving this list and memorizing it all.
I’m definitely saving this in my notes. You broke it down.
I’m saving this to refer back to when I am out dating and vetting. The points you made are so valid. Please write more blogs and podcasts like this to help us ladies navigating the dating world.