WHEN THEY CAN’T CONTROL YOU, THEY TRY TO DESTROY YOU: THE DARK SIDE OF ENVY & OBSESSION
I've noticed that many people struggle to let beautiful souls exist as they are without feeling the need to control or reshape them. When they realize they cannot dominate or mold someone to their liking, they often turn to destruction instead.
Look at how often men pick apart a woman simply because she dresses in a way that doesn’t align with their personal preferences or because something about her captivates them while she remains indifferent. When a man cannot control a woman, he will resort to all kinds of deception to break her spirit at the core.
Women engage in these tactics against other women as well. If you refuse to bow to them or feed their ego, they will launch psychological attacks. This can include passive aggression, relentless criticism, poisoning others’ perceptions of you through gossip, exclusion, and intentional invalidation. Even when they choose to distance themselves, it is rarely done with grace. Instead, they act with malice, as if their goal is to humble you, deepen your insecurities, and make you feel as insignificant as possible.
But here’s the truth: when someone actively seeks to tear you down, their feelings toward you run deeper than simple dislike. A well-regulated person may not care for you, but they will not go out of their way to broadcast their disdain. They will remain neutral, distant, and composed. True indifference is the opposite of love, not hatred. If someone constantly criticizes you, glares at you, speaks ill of you, or deliberately diminishes you, there is something darker fueling their behavior. These are the symptoms of deep-seated jealousy, envy, or another insidious emotion.
To anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of mistreatment, I want to remind you of this, people who isolate you often do so in the hopes that you will feel like you’ve lost something. They want you to feel the sting of rejection, hoping it will crush your spirit. It’s easy to let this discourage you, but take a step back and ask yourself: What have you really lost? A true friend who had your best interest at heart? Someone who genuinely valued you? A person who wanted the best for you? The answer is likely no.
Rejection, isolation, and emotional withholding are forms of manipulation, not reflections of your worth. These people want you to believe that their absence is a punishment, that you are lacking without them. But in reality, their distance is a blessing. Some people withhold what they were never capable of giving in the first place. It’s all about control. They create a false sense of scarcity, making you feel as though you need their love, kindness, or validation, when in truth, they were never capable of offering it to begin with. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated into thinking their rejection is a loss. If someone chooses to withhold their presence, affection, or engagement, let them. Do not chase, do not beg, and do not shrink yourself in hopes of earning something they were never willing to give. Instead, recognize the gift, the removal of someone who was never truly for you. What is real, what is meant for you, and what is in alignment with your highest good will never require you to suffer to receive it. Learn to see through illusions.
These tactics are designed to strip you of your power, but today, I want to remind you of the truth, YOU HOLD ALL THE POWER. When someone tries to exert control over you, they actually place themselves in a position of dependence because their emotional state hinges on your reaction. They are seeking something from you, not the other way around. The power lies in your hands, to engage or not engage, to respond or remain silent. And when you choose silence, it causes them turmoil, whether they show it immediately or not. This is why they will continue provoking you, desperately seeking a reaction. In many ways, you become their lifeline. They feed off your pain, they thrive on your energy, and they rely on your emotional investment. Drama, anger, and irritation are all forms of attachment. The only way to break free is through indifference.
Never give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they have gotten under your skin, even if they have. Maintain your composure, watch your words, and move with strategy rather than emotion. Strength is not found in aggression or retaliation; it is in your ability to remain poised, even in the presence of those who wish to see you crumble. No matter what tactics others use, do not let them shake you from your path. Never let someone who tried to break you see you broken.
Have you ever dealt with people trying to break you down? How did you rise above it? What lessons have you learned? Please comment below.
I’m currently dealing with these energies, and even though I discovered them gradually and have been able to process them slowly, it now seems like no one around me has ever been truly genuine. Even those I believed were looking out for me may have only done so because it gave them a false sense of security.
Now that I’m indifferent to their opinions and openly embracing my power, they’re struggling to keep up the facade. This process has been a beautiful yet harsh awakening—one that has helped me grow, but it doesn’t take away the disappointment and heartbreak of realizing that the very people I thought would guide me toward the right path never truly wanted me on it.
They recognized my power even when I didn’t, and somehow, keeping me in a low vibration validated their insecurities. It’s sad but I’m deeply grateful for the unfolding. Indeed, I am. Alhamdulilah!
My ex needed constant control – monitoring my location, questioning my activities, and expecting me to fulfil basic responsibilities for him (even buying his underwear and socks). When I maintained my standards and didn’t engage with people in his circle whose values didn’t align with mine, I was labeled as “arrogant” and having my “nose in the air” – despite always being kind and generous.
The ultimate revelation came when I visited him and discovered he had used me as “click bait” to borrow money from family members, who then wanted to confront ME about it. This was on top of existing financial issues including child support and credit debt.
What struck me most from this post was: “What have you really lost?” Looking back, I was exhausted from constant drama, disrespect, and attempts to lower my standards. I maintained my dignity, didn’t engage in arguments, and chose to walk away.
For any woman reading this: when someone tries to make you feel “less than” for having standards, remember it reflects their insecurity, not your worth. Someone who truly values you will celebrate your light, not try to dim it. I’m now focusing on my education, career goals, and personal growth – and experiencing such peace after stepping away from someone who couldn’t match my energy or values.
Trust your instincts. The right people won’t make you constantly defend your worth.
This message is powerful❤️🔥
Thank you for this message, and for all the guidance/wisdom you share with us. I have been dealing with my own parents and a lot of old friends trying to break me down for the past few years. I was doing my absolute best financially and finally stepping into a new bracket. The people who should have been happiest for me completely turned on me and it BROKE me. Trying to paint me out in a negative light, and even exposing private matters publicly. The attacks made me learn how POWERFUL I am. I learned that I am clearly a force to be reckoned with, and I had to take my power back. To be truly powerful would be to completely distance myself from my parents as well but, I won’t do them the way they did me. This is truly the season of justice, so I rest comfortably knowing everyone will be dealt with.