Contrary to popular belief, MOST women don't get played because they're naive, foolish, pickmes, doormats, or have "low self esteem”, It's because they flip flop on their standards whenever they're uncomfortable or get nervous. You can have the best boundaries in the world, but it means squat if you just let any guy sweet talk you into going against your self interest.

You're NOT a punchcard.

What often happens, especially with highly intelligent women who "got it going on" is they let their standards flip flop, flounder and waffle whenever she gets angsty about keeping the guy interested. Perhaps she hasn't been wooed in a while and the guy has been giving steady effort with thoughtful dates, calling often, and being courteous...so what happens when he makes a move to escalate things prematurely?

A lot of women give in to men's demands before it's appropriate all because he did some nice things for you in the past.

You respond to his behavior on a CASE BY CASE BASIS independent of what happened "way back when" Just as each day is a FRESH day different from the last...each action of his should get a FRESH response based on how it matches up to your standards TODAY in the right-here-right-now present moment. When women say "keep a guy on his toes" this is how you do so without being gimmicky or weird about it.

When a guy knows he isn't getting "Coffee Loyalty" perks for past behavior he knows he has to come correct EACH AND EVERY TIME rather than rely on his past home run when he hit it out of the park with an amazing date 9 months ago.

That's how the "3 date rule" came to be a meme in pop culture. Guys know most women treat their P like a punchcard...and so they'll buy 3 then get it easy and free because that's how most women operate today scared that the guy will get bored and ghost her. Everyone gets scared, fear isn't anything to be ashamed of!

Maybe the guy you're seeing does a little bit more compared to your exes. So what...don't become the punchcard because over time it eventually leads to you being a pick-me. Your standards for how you wish to be treated, courted, and taken care of must remain CONSISTENT regardless of his behavior....whether it's rude OR respectful.

News Flash: HE'S SUPPOSED TO TREAT YOU RESPECTFULLY! Giving him "Coffee Loyalty" perks is like giving a guy a standing ovation for taking a shower and brushing his teeth. Things like respect, courtesy, thoughtful dates, and consistent communication are the BARE MINIMUM a man should be doing. It's the equivalent of "dating hygiene".

He takes you on wonderful dates? Great. Your standards stay consistent.
He shows up late? Great. Your standards stay consistent.
He texts you back immediately? Great. Your standards stay consistent.
He gets you a nice bday present? Great. Your standards stay consistent.

It is crucial to establish CLEAR STANDARDS before you go out there dating otherwise you're likely to be swept off you feet and distracted by men's emotional antics. Having a standard for yourself helps you maintain perspective and objectivity whenever you're tempted to let it slide "just that one time"

Buh...but..but what about giving him the benefit of the doubt?
Simple. Treat it on a case by case basis, and if you genuinely feel that it is in your genuine best interest to acquiesce to his request, do so. When I say "best interest" I mean that it's a good idea to consider whether or not the decision will benefit you in the long term, upgrade your quality of life and expand your options, rather than just feel good in the short term. This blog is calling out women who flip flop on their standards compromising on things due to FEAR. Check with your intuition first, are you agreeing to the request because you genuinely want to do it? Or because you're SCARED of what will happen if you say no? or because of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)? This same principle applies to forgiving a guy for his transgressions as well.

Buh...but...but...don't we all settle?
There's a difference between settling and being strategic. Settling is when you're hungry and all the stores are closed so you settle for some stale nachos at the gas station even though you'd REALLY want a solid meal. Being strategic is when you're at your favorite restaurant, your number one dish is out of stock, BUT you opt for a dish that you ALSO find enjoyable, tasty and satisfying. It's not about ordering a dish you dislike just for the sake of having food. The key is when you "settle" you're accepting less than what you want, when you're strategic, you're still getting your needs and desires met, just in a different way than what you might have originally imagined.

Yes, consider past actions in your vetting process, just don't give out Coffee Loyalty Punchcard perks where he gets a free pass to act inappropriately because of past Nice Guy behavior.

Give out of a genuine desire to give...rather than as a tit-for-tat exchange because you feel guilty having a man act like a gentleman towards you. Are you doing something nice because YOU want to? Or because "he did so much" and you think placating him with favors will even the score?

People can tell when gifts and favors are sincere, so this is why "punchcard presents" often backfire. You don't need to bribe a man into liking you.